palerain (palerain) wrote in depressionsux,

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...depressed muchly. sorry about the long post.

I'm a teenager and as you all should know, this is a hard time for anyone. However, things have gone from bad to worse and I don't know what to do.

The issue at hand is the fact that my life has taken a hard spin into a most negative direction. Near the end of last year I told my parents that I was homosexual. This really helped me to come to terms with who I really am and who they thought I was. They were suprisingly supportive. They were supportive enough to accept my girlfriend into the family and to befriend her.

Then, after Christmas, my dad had a heart attack. We had known that he had a heart condition, but the doctors didn't treat him correctly this time and he ended up having a heart attack for about 12 hours in the hospital bed. He nearly died.

My mother took it really badly. She thought she had PTSD due to a rape back in the year 2000. Ever since 2000, she hadn't been a very sane person. She would do outrageous things and she was always upset about something. Well, before my dad's heart attack, she began to use cocaine to cope with her issues. My dad's friend Steve hooked her up and she soon became an addict.

On newyears, after the heart attack, mom claimed that she had been "raped" by my father and that he had threatened to kill her numerous times. She even claimed that my girlfriend & I had heard these threats but that we didn't remember them. However, she refused to take any action on them, but would only tell me about this. She seemed to only tell me this to see how I would react to the story. She did things like that repeatedly. Such as the cocaine. She first admitted her usage to my girlfriend, and then to me.

Then, one day, she told me that my dad had gone crazy and that she thought it was his meds he had started to take. I began to believe her because she kept talking about it over and over again. She wouldn't stop talking about this. She even got her friend/neighbor into this ordeal and soon became really close friends with my dad's friend Steve (the drug dealer).

The three of them would sit with my siblings and I and they would bash my father right in front of us. They would get drunk and talk about how my mother should divorce him and about how he doesn't deserve our family & about his lack of sanity. My mom soon became such good friends with Steve that she would go out late drinking with him and wouldn't return for hours and would be out nearly every night. My siblings even caught her using a few times.

My father soon began to accuse her of cheating on him with Steve. She then chalked his remarks up to his insanity(due to meds). Then, she began to talk about divorce and about how she had feelings for Steve. She would sneak out at night and stay the night at his place. She would even hold his hand in front of my siblings and I.

However, this was all after the night that she now claims that Steve had "abducted"(with the help of our neighbor, Laura) and "raped" her. So none of this added up. None of us could believe her. So we ended up sending her to a psychiatric hospital nearby...hoping that they could help to cure her of her alcoholism & cocaine addiction. Not only the additions, though...but the insane behavior & lies.

Most of this happened throughout my summer vacation. School's about to start and my mom is now in another hospital. This is just the condensed version of what happened. There's a lot more to it all. Now, even after all of this drama, I'm moving with my dad & siblings to Tennessee. He's been extremely irrational & paranoid. Not only that, but he had done a few things that are extreme & impulsive such as stealing the neighbor's(mother's friend/"abductor") dog & driving it far away (the dog was found and is in perfect condition by the way). Not only this, but now he's trying to make me think that I'm crazy. He compares me to my mother & questions my sanity. He literally told me that he wants me to go to the hospital with my mother because I'm severely depressed and I need to get help. Then, after telling this to me, we started talking about other things and he now keeps bringing up his opinion that "women are naturally insane". This scares me. I'm afraid that he's going to do something...or accuse me of something. I don't know anymore. I just know that my life is going straight to hell right now and I have NO control over it what-so-ever. I admit, I am depressed. However...who, in my position, wouldn't be?

I don't know what to do. I've had thoughts of running away and suicide. I've had all kinds of depressing thoughts. I just need control over my life again. I'm tired of being thrown about by my parents and their drama. I don't understand why my age should have anything to do with whether or not I can live my life the way I'd like to. I just...want to live a simple life with my wonderful girlfriend & with my siblings. I don't know how to fix this.

Also, my father is making my siblings & I move to Tennessee so that we'll be closer to his work. He used to work out of town, by the way.
I hope that you all can give me some advice.

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